The Lies We Tell Young People

This decal that I saw on a Myspace page capsulates perfectly the mindset that many young girls have about dating and the opposite sex. Unfortunately, this seems to fit perfectly with what guys are wanting: attention (laughing at their jokes) and sex. It also seems to meet the wants (needs?) of the girls: attention (checking out their slutty clothes) and to be cherished (sex). I would suggest, though, that each thing that both the guy and the girl think they are getting in this scenario are cheap imitations of what they are actually seeking. They are pseudo-fulfillment of the deep needs that God put inside each man and each woman.

For the man, it is the need to be honored and respected by his wife. He has an innate sense that he wants to make her proud and represent her well. In addition, he has a strong sex drive, a desire for the most intimate connection with a woman; a connection and an intimacy that is partnered with the safety of commitment and the security of "until death do us part."

For the woman, it is the desire to be loved and cherished by a man. The desire to be special in his sight and catch his eye, and to captivate him with her beauty. In addition, the woman is cherished in the intimacy of sex, a sex that operates within the confines of love; love that "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

This cartoon above is apparently the best that secular culture has to offer our young people. In a culture of moral relativism where feelings become the new determiner of truth, instant gratification becomes king. The fastest, easiest avenue to get what you want becomes the road they take. It results in a hollow fulfillment, emptiness, and disappointment, not to mention the more concrete results like STD's, divorce, single moms, and abandonment. Children in single parent homes are more likely to repeat this behavior, so the process is continued.

So, what is needed? Fathers, who will cherish their daughters and teach them the way a man should treat them, and who teach their sons the way men should act. Mothers who will love their children, not by spoiling them, but by instilling in them the values that make a whole person. Boys, who will stop viewing girls as objects and delay gratification for a better end, and who will think, even why society is telling them they should be idiots. Girls, who will see that they have value and worth and beauty, who will set their standards high and not sell themselves short to get attention. But most of all, I think what is needed is the Church, the local body of believers who will step up and change culture one young person at a time.

May we counter the message that is being sent to the young people of this age.

A Garden, Not a Gamble

I got the opportunity yesterday to go to a wedding. A girl who was formerly of our youth group got married, and Angela and I were happy to attend. I have to say that after you get married yourself, you look at weddings completely different. Before they were boring services designed for women that were only delaying the food at the reception. I would guess that is how most unmarried guys view them. However, when I got married in August of 2005, all of that changed. Our wedding was awesome. Looking back I honestly would not change a thing. From the parent vows, to the message stressing the covenant relationship of marriage, to my best man (and best friend) dropping the ring, it was all the perfect mix of joy, laughter, sincerity, destiny, commitment and love. And now I am different, in so many ways, the least of which may be that I view weddings differently. As I sit and listen to the music, watch the processional, watch the grooms face as his bride is escorted by her father, listen to them repeat their vows to one another, see them officially announced as man and wife...I think of my wedding and everything comes back. I think of how I am still so amazed at how great it is to be married to an awesome woman who is so very loving. I am very blessed.

Anyway, I was struck by something that Jim, our Pastor and the one performing the ceremony, said that I thought was incredibly profound. He said that, unfortunately, many people view marriage today as a gamble, a virtual rolling of the dice, hoping the person they are pledging their lives to is the one, that it will work out. This has caused a whole host of problems in our world today, the greatest of which is the divorce epidemic and children living in broken homes, but I won't get into that here. Jim followed up with saying that marriage is more like a garden than a gamble. A garden you tend and plow and water and plant the things you want to grow and, with time, they grow. It is not a gamble; it is nature. It is the life process. Marriage is the same way. With love and respect planted, and a relationship nurtured, the marriage will bloom. Jim stated that in 40 years, each couple will have the result of what they have done to tend the garden. If we looked at Marriage like this more often, we would be better off. May we see ourselves as gardeners of the most important kind. My we love and respect our wives as much as we possible can, and in doing so, I think we will make the world a better place.